Question:
State education officials yesterday released a list of 1,012 schools
that had made substantial gains on statewide English and math tests,
including several New York City schools in poor neighborhoods where a
sizable majority of students were scoring above grade level.
State officials described the results as both real and encouraging.
"These tests have not been dumbed down nor testing conditions modified
to produce better scores," said Clancy Percentile of the State's
Office of Optimistic Euphemizing. "Nor have the math problems been
re-written to use drug weights, numbers of bullets in gun clips, and
consecutive and concurrent sentences as the bases of word problems.
Any suggestion to that end is a right-wing smear aimed at hard-working
poor people. All of our math problems came straight from the White
House 'No Child Left Behind' handbook."
Asked for an example, he gave the following sample questions:
You are working for the federal minimum wage. Your employer, a
big-box retailer lured to Times Square by the gentrification of the
area, provides no medical, dental, or retirement benefits. What
percentage of each retail sale goes to your salary, expressed as a
fraction of the percentage that goes to the CEO's salary?
a) .1
b) .01
c) .001
d) .0001, and you should be grateful to have a job
The national Labor Relations Board (NLRB) will hold a union election
if 1/3 of the workers in a given store sign union interest cards. If
300 people work in the store, how many cards must be signed before the
NLRB will hold an election?
a) 100
b) 30
c) 900+, because the cards keep "disappearing"
d) "I can't give you a card until I see a green card, Chico."
The army is hiring. They pay a $2,000 enlistment bonus, and will give
you $4,000 for college tuition if you sign up for a three-year tour.
Combat pay is an additional $75 per month. Assuming that your regular
pay is spent on pornography and a new stereo, and you serve 36 months,
how much will you have saved by the time your enlistment is up?
a) $8,700
b) $6,000
c) $1,600 once those Haliburton bastards realize I'll pay $30 a can
for beer in an Islamic country
d) $0, after paying Jebediah in C Company $1600 to inflict a non-life
threatening flesh wound to get me out of the Shiite Triangle
Finally, the president decides to boost the economy with tax cuts.
The taxes on your $18,000 a year income are lowered by a total of
$200. How will this boost the economy?
a) I will spend the $200 on beer and cable TV, boosting consumer
demand
b) I will pool it with all of the people on my block, and we'll each
own one percent of a new Honda
c) I will use the $200 to get to Canada, where at least they have
health care
d) I will invest the $200 in a high-tech chip plant in Malaysia
Answer:
Yet in other liberal strongholds, like the People's Republic of Hawaii, just
the opposite is true:
HONOLULU -- Independent audits of 47 Hawaii public schools have been made
public. They include some disturbing findings.
At Hauula Elementary School no children were seen in the library because the
librarian "barred" kids whose teachers hadn't given her lesson plans.
At Palolo Elementary School some teachers had low expectations, questioning
whether kids from public housing were able to improve.
Teachers at Kuhio Elementary School turned down other teachers who wanted to
watch their "new-style" classes because they were uncomfortable being
observed.
And at Nanakuli High and Intermediate School, the average student was absent
more than 40 times a year.
Those findings, about continuing management problems in Hawaii schools,
leads KITV 4 News reporter Daryl Huff to do a follow up report of last
year's award-winning project: "Fighting School Failure." (Read last year's
report.)
When KITV 4 News compared Hawaii's public schools to one of the biggest and
best systems on the mainland, one of the biggest differences was that
Fairfax, Va. had clear lists of what kids should learn and when, while
Hawaii teachers were free to teach what they want.
Hawaii schools have been ordered to organize their teaching and many have
made progress. However, when independent auditors visited 47 schools last
year, they found some teachers refusing to change and principals unwilling
or unable to push them. One veteran principal said union protection means
you can't just order teachers what to teach.
"You just cannot one day talk to, and the next day reprimand," McKinley High
School principal Milton Shishido said.
Shishido and other principals say without more help from the central office,
organizing curriculum to meet standards, even just for math and reading, is
taking years at nearly every school.
Like virtually every high school in the state, McKinley High School has been
struggling to meet the standards. Its principal said he had to wait for
federal money to put in the programs that he needs.
"We don't have the staff nor the time to be in charge of, or responsible
for, designing programs," Shishido said.
KITV's series last February also revealed Hawaii schools got much less money
than in Fairfax. Teachers and principals here have better union protection,
but get less training and lower pay. None of that has changed.
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